Sorry for the blurry picture, but this is a day worth celebrating! I now weigh under 90 kilograms (under 200 lbs)!!!!
What a big day, what a big difference! Today I am officially 5 months into my weightloss journey and the change is quite remarkable. I started out at the weight of 106 kg (i.e. 234 lbs) and I now weigh 89,6 kg (or 198 lbs), which is a total weightloss of nearly 17 kg or 36 lbs. It feels amazing to have come this far!!!!
At the beginning of this year, in April, I started walking 7,000 steps a day and I have upped that to a total of 10,000 steps a day. I bought myself a mountainbike on April 4, 2018, so I could get out and exercise without hurting my knees and my ankles with the excess weight. After two months I started feeling progress and the way I could breathe during walking and mountainbiking.
Right now I also run about 4-5 km three times a week. My all-time favorite hobby of running makes me so happy again! I am literally smiling and have big grin on my face when I run. But I don’t care what others think when they see me go. Because I am just feeling so alive and happy!
Then I made the switch to a whole-foods plantbased diet and cut out any use of alcohol. The vegan diet so to say, but without the vegan junkfood that is around in supermarkets. I cook my own meals 3 times a day and they mostly consist of loads of starchy vegetables and fresh salads, wraps, cauliflower pizza, pastas, oven fried sweet potatoes and the list of yummy foods goes on and on and on. I literally can eat potatoes all day and still lose weight and I have never had food that tasted better or food that has fed me so well. No more counting calories, no more diets to get quick results and cut corner, just to gain the weight back after they were over (or I was fed up with dieting). Now I just eat when I am hungry and, trust me, I ate WAY MORE than ever in my life.
But the difference is that it is the good kind of food. The tasty food, real food, free of additives and animal products. That not only eases my conscience, but makes my carbon footprint way smaller (there is a win-win for the planet and for my body!) and it makes me fit and healthy at the same time.
The funny thing about dropping weight this time, is that is a conscious choice and a permanent lifestyle change that create the outcome. A way of saying goodbye for good, to each and every pound or kilogram that goes away and that will not come back. An awakening in a sense, because now, for the first time in my life, I am treating my body with LOVE and RESPECT. I am kind to myself, I am okay with who I am, I am okay with who I am becoming and I have faith in the process.
Never before have I RESPECTED my body, soul and mind at the same time, with a clear intent of a positive outcome health-wise and spiritually and emotionally. This way of living is entirely new for me, and that is also a subject that I want to touch on today, as my emotions are in turmoil and I get really confused with seeing my body change.
It is as if my mind and my emotions can’t keep up with that change. I see the scales go down, I see my clothes getting baggier, I see my body toning up, but somehow I don’t really GET IT. How is that possible??? This is what I have always wanted and dreamed of. It is REALLY happening RIGHT NOW, and sometimes I feel like a spectator, looking at a documentary about my life, but not as a participant of my life. I feel like I am on the outside looking in. But I need the feeling of physical, emotional and mental growth to sink in. The mind really works in mysterious ways, doesn’t it?
And that sinking in of how my health is progressing? It takes time I guess. And a lot of affirmations. And visualization. And dreambuilding. And creating positive visuals that I can concentrate on. As I am being brutally honest: what I am going through now is a lot of feeling sad and being afraid. Yes, I am sad and afraid. Afraid that it will all be temporary again. That it will not last as it has never lasted in my entire life of yo-yo-ing and struggling to lose the same 60 pounds over and over again. That I am doing this work all for nothing, because it is just silly old me, right? I get sad when I think of how I mistreated my body and let my spirit get crushed by myself and people around me. How I was always afraid to shine and take my spot in this world. To be visible and stand in my own strength. How I always had to put on a mask and over-shout myself in order to feel heard and accepted and in order to have that feeling of fitting in.
After a deep conversation with my business coach and a lot of soul searching I am now okay with being calmer in bigger groups. I can let go of having to be present and dominating the conversation. Up until recently I pretended to be an extravert, while all I really am is an introvert who loves being around the people I love. Now that’s a real win for me!
But no more being afraid of people seeing me as the person that I really am! I decide today, that it is okay for me to be crying when emotions get the best of me. It is okay that I go through this journey like I do now. I am okay as I am and I am going to be loving and kind to myself when things get tough. No more putting up a brave face and acting as I am fine, when I am not. No more trying to fit it, when it feels weird. I am no superwoman that has to rescue everyone else, I have to put on my own oxygen mask first and stand up for the most important VIP in my life: me!
That’s right, my friend, me! I am going to put myself in the spotlight and celebrate who I am and how wonderful and magical it is that I am finally finding my true calling and my authentic self in this entire weightloss process! Halleluja!
Tears are okay, looking for answers is awesome and I am surrendering myself to the perfect outcome that I know this journey that is called my life, will be for me. I am sure that it will bring me nothing but wonderful vibes and that thought alone puts a thankful smile on my face. Thanks that you let me share this with you. I love you and I wish you a wonderful and healthy day. Talk soon!